Passerby in the Forest
by Deb-lil
Summary: Bellatrix and Lockgart meet, and no good can come out of it. This is in response to an old challenge by Tikvah Ariel. complete
1. Chapter 1: Passerby

**Hello, I am Deb-lil, and I am here to take up Tikvah Ariel's challenge. I think I meet all the requirements, except one. Lockhart does have a word with a woman on the street in the beginning. It's only for a bit, so ah** **well. Everything else is there. I combined the ostrich and the language together. I think I did a nice job with that one ;)**

**The Challenge:**

"**Ostrich; _Challenge number 1_**: This is a Harry Potter challenge for those writting fanfiction. What do Bellatrix and Gildorey Lockhart have in common? Nothing, which is why they aren't any entries under these two in the filters. SO for the challenge you have to a)Have the two main characters be Lockhart and B. Lestrange, b)Have no secondary characters, c)Include an Ostrich, ancient langue, and a magical green thumb. Any one who does this send me a review saying so! It ought to be hard." –Tikvah Ariel

**Passerby in the Forest**

Gilderoy Lockhart, his wavy blond hair blowing in the October breeze, looked around at the passerby with wide, attentive eyes. He couldn't remember being out of the hospital ward without Miss Miriam by his side. Would she be angry with him if he weren't in his room? He didn't want her mad at him. After all, she was one of his biggest fans. Maybe, just maybe, he should walk down this street and see the strange land for himself before heading back to Miss Miriam.

"Hmmm…" Gilderoy mumbled as he strolled down the street, his hospital robe billowing in the breeze. "I hope the press doesn't recognize me…I'm not fit for an interview…"

"Mommy, why is that man talking to himself?" A small girl squeaked to her mother, looking up at Gilderoy with confusion.

"Oh, hello dear," Gilderoy said kindly, flashing her his perfect smile. "Would you be wanting an autograph? Better ask mommy first." He looked up at the woman. "Sweet little child you got there, ma'am." He told her, before going to pat the child's head.

"Don't you dare touch her!" Shrieked the woman, pulling her daughter down the street.

Gilderoy smiled. It was always so nice to meet fans…even the pint-sized ones. He was totally oblivious to the wide berth people were giving him.

In the distance, Gilderoy noticed woods. In the art rooms at home, he colored many pictures of trees. Miss Miriam said they were absolutely spectacular, and Gilderoy was a natural with all types of plants. Gilderoy wanted to see the real big ones for himself.

He bounced over to the clearing, and looked around. The trees were just so beautiful. And green too. Gilderoy was proud; he knew all his colors.

Thoughts of what Miss Miriam would say if she saw him out here left his mind as he bounded into the forest.

Bellatrix Lestrange skulked through dense trees. She had Apparated a safe distance into the woods, so no Muggle or wizard would notice her. If she was seen, the mission would be bungled…forever ruined. And after the fiasco at the Department of Mysteries—Bellatrix shuddered—she hated to think of what the Dark Lord would do to her if she screwed up another.

All she had to do was infiltrate St. Mungo's. How hard was that? The security around that place was…stronger then ever after Bode's murder. Bella sighed. This was going to be _impossible._

In fact, her whole mission was impossible. The Dark Lord had commanded Bella to kidnap the Healer-in-Charge of St. Mungo's. He'd sent her because she was the best _Crucio_ artist of all his Death Eaters—that, and she was his most loyal servant. —Unfortunately, that meant she'd have to go it alone, because one person was less likely to be caught than two. If she did the thing successfully, the Dark Lord would use his superior Legilmency talents to extract the Healer's information regarding the Order of the Phoenix. After all, he, the Healer, was the one with Frank and Alice Longbottom in custody.

She slinked for about ten minutes when she heard a sound…singing! There was someone singing. Quick as a flash, Bella ducked, and waited.

"I like salami…it's very, very yummy…I like salami…it's very, very yummy… I like salami…it's very, very yummy…I like salami…it's very, very yummy…"

It was a man. He was blond and vacant looking. Bella stared at him. He was wearing the robes of a long-term St. Mungo's patient. She raised her wand, pointing it at his heart. "_Avada_—" She whispered, but stopped. This man could be the secret to her success. If he were an escaped patient, then the Healers would be looking for him. If she returned him…it'd cause a diversion…giving her a chance to _Crucio_ the Healer-in-Charge.

"You there!" Bella sprang from her hiding place, causing the man to let out a shriek like a little girl. Bella swore. "_Silencio_!"

His voice extinguished with a small puff. He stared at her with bulging eyes. Then, to her surprise, (and horror) he started picking his nose.

Bellatrix lifted the _Silencio_ spell. "You there." She barked, "Name."

He stared. And blinked. And stared. And blinked.

"I like salami." He announced.

Bella narrowed her eyes. "What is your name?"

"My name is Corduroy Lockhart." He replied genially. "Miss Miriam sometimes calls me Angel. What's your name?"

"Er—" Bella rolled her eyes. "I'm Hermione Granger." She remembered the little Potter brat's friend. "Listen—er—Corduroy, where do you live?"

"St. Mungie's." He replied. "It's right over there—huh?" The man looked over his shoulder in the direction of the hospital. Of course, he couldn't see it. "Where…where?" He turned back to Bellatrix, "I'm lost!" He wailed.

"Wait, shut up." She hissed. "I know where it is."

"Oh," He said, "Well, in that case…would you like an autograph?"

"What, no. Corduroy, does anyone from St. Mungo's know you're here?"

"Nope, nope, nope." He replied. "Miss Miriam will be upset, but she'll get over it. I came here to look at plants. Everyone says I'm really good at drawing plants." He told her impressively.

"Right," Bella said. "Listen, Corduroy, we need to go back to the hospital."

"What? Why, Hormone?"

"Because—wait, what did you call me?"

"Your name. Miss Hormone Grungy!"

Bella closed her eyes. "Come along."

She took the hospital patient by the elbow and started to make her way to the clearing. She tried to tune it out as he jabbered away.

"At St. Mango's, we have all sorts of fun. Fun pills, and potions, and songs…ah, we learned a cool song! Called 'The Hokey Pokey'!

"Ya put your right hand in,

Ya put your right hand out,

Ya put your right hand in, and ya shake it all about!

Ya do the Hokey Pokey, and ya turn yourself around,

That's what it's all about!

"Ya put your left hand in,

Ya put your left hand out,

Ya put your left hand in, and ya shake it all about!

Ya do the Hokey Pokey, and ya turn yourself around,

That's what it's all about!

"C'mon, Miss Hormone! Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance—!"

"_Mobil Corpus_!" Bella hissed.

The man rose a few inches off the ground, and she led him along. He wasn't the slight bit put off by the woman's lack of enthusiasm towards his song and dance. On the contrary, he seemed to like the magic ride better. But not being able to move didn't stop him from talking.

"I know an old language." He told Bellatrix.

She didn't reply, so he continued anyway.

"_Achsem tached grachnid taft, Was et sympantic, et finalmenti vaft. Wellin morenz se no telvia javtay, Chai moolteba le fiyal savtay!" _

"And what the hell was that?" Bella asked before she could stop herself.

"The language of the Ostrich." He replied proudly.

"The language of the Ostrich?" She repeated.

"Yes." He answered. "Ask that to any ostrich, and he'll answer you!" He smiled at her before saying, _"Achsem tached grachnid taft, Was et sympantic, et finalmenti vaft. Wellin morenz se no telvia javtay, Chai moolteba le fiyal savtay! Achsem tached grachnid taft, Was et sympantic, et finalmenti vaft. Wellin morenz se no telvia javtay, Chai moolteba le fiyal savtay!" _

"_Silencio!" _yelled Bella, extinguishing his voice once again.

Ten minutes later, Bella and her decoy had reached the clearing. She could pull this off! She could smell victory! She let up the two spells she put on the man, before casting a Disillusionment Spell.

"Come along." She commanded.

The two chameleon-like people made it right outside the hospital. Bella couldn't believe she'd gotten there without being caught.

"Alright Corduroy." She told him, "This is where I leave you."

"No! Hormone!" He screeched.

Bella froze. 'Shit!' She thought.

Thinking fast, Bellatrix Apparated twenty feet away. This was perfect after all. Someone would hear him. When the Healer-in-Charge stepped out…_WHAM! _He wouldn't even know what hit him!

Dark eyes flashing, Bella watched Healers spill out of St. Mungo's, and she waited like a hawk about to swoop down on her prey.

**Ha! I completed the challenge! I hope you enjoy it. Tikvah Ariel, I hope it's what you're looking for!**

**To all, please review! they make my day!**

**Deb-lil**


	2. Chapter 2: Infiltration

**Hi everybody! It's Deb-lil once again! Today I would like to let you read the second installment of this Lockhart and Bellatrix fic. Since I've already completed Tikvah Ariel's challenge, I thought I'd go out on a whim with this one. So now I offer you to sit back, relax, and enjoy the show as Bellatrix continues her mission to capture the Healer-in-Charge of St. Mungo's Hospital! But let you be warned: this section's a bit darker because it's all from Bella's point of view. And as she's a sadist, her thoughts reflect that.**

**Disclaimer: Hmm, what am I going to say? Oh right. I don't own anything. Plot…'tis all.**

**Passerby in the Forest 2: **

**Infiltration**

Bella bared her teeth as she watched the strange man called Corduroy bellow "Hormone!" at the top of his voice. Healers were swooping all over the place, and Apparating like mad. Bella hadn't seen a state of confusion like this in a while, and it delighted her.

"C'mon…" She urged the Healer-in-Charge mentally from her hiding place. "You step out, and I step in…ha, ha."

But no matter what she thought, the lead Healer didn't seem to be showing up. The other Healers seemed to be paging someone called 'Miriam'.

…Of course. Miss Miriam! Corduroy spoke of her. _Miss Miriam will be upset, but she'll get over it. _Ha! This Miriam woman would be the key to her success! Of course, Bella didn't know how, but she'd think of something.

With a small pop, a rather hefty woman appeared in front of the hospital. "Gilderoy!" She shrieked, pushing her flyaway grey hairs out of her face. "Gilderoy! I've been worried sick! Come along, lad." She took him by the arm and completely ignored the circle of green clad Healers that had accumulated around her. "Where in Merlin's name have you been!"

"With my Hormone!" He shouted happily. "My little Hormone…Hermione-mione-Hormone!" He started to make a bit of a song out of it. "Hermie-the-Hormone!"

"Dear Merlin!" Shouted one of the Healers.

"Holy crap…" Whistled another.

"Heh…" Laughed Healer Miriam nervously, "That's a lovely little song, Gilderoy. Let's go now."

_So Gilderoy was his name. _Sighed Bellatrix.

And the Healers all made their way back to the hospitals. All were too busy discussing this exciting turn of events to notice the black-robed, evil-eyed young woman following them surreptitiously.

OoOoOoOoOo

"Janus Thickey Ward…" The Healers were mumbling. "Gilderoy Lockhart…Janus Thickey."

"Miriam's charge…she's gone down hill, that one has. What with poor Mr. Bode and everything…"

Bellatrix could feel herself smiling. Ah, _poor Mr. Bode _indeed! It had been the Death Eaters—Bella's boys—who'd been behind Bode's death! And now, ha! St. Mungo's was going to suffer the loss of one of its very own. And once again, right at the hands of a Death Eater! (The most LOYAL Death Eater at that!) The Dark Lord would be so pleased! He'd honor Bellatrix above all the rest!

Bella stopped stalking the gaggle of Healers crowded around Gilderoy, who was now muttering incoherently about 'Hormone Grungy". She went to a stall in the ladies' bathroom and locked the door with _Alohomora_. This would be a steak-out mission. At ten o'clock, Bella decided, she'd come out of her little hiding place…and _BAM_! She and the Healer-in-Charge would be Apparating back to the Dark Lord faster than a fly could get to a chunk of rotting meat. Foolproof…foolproof…

At five o'clock, Bella was still crouched in her stall. She had the patience of a cat when she wanted…that coupled with the fact that she couldn't bear to face the Dark Lord if she fouled up another important mission.

The bathroom door suddenly opened. Bella tensed, but she didn't make a sound.

"…Havin' a bad time of it down in Dai Llewellyn, lemme tell ya." One woman was saying. "Wolverine bite. Pumped him up on Wolfsbane only to find it wasn't a werewolf that done it after all."

"Merlin." Sighed another woman. "And what of that poor Gilderoy Lockhart? Wandering off into the forest? Miriam should be fired straight away for shirking her duties!"

"I agree." Said the first woman. "I agree totally. What woulda happened if Lockhart wandered upon some Muggles? And if he was talkin' 'bout St. Mungo's? The Obliviators woulda had one hell of a time trackin' them all down."

"Mmm." murmured the other in agreement. "Miriam's lucky she avoided such a situation."

"I think we—" The woman stopped talking very suddenly.

"What? What's up?"

"Someone's…watching us…" She whispered.

"Why, Maxine, that's preposterous. This is a ladies' restroom! Who could be watching us? Men?" She joked.

Bella had heard enough. With a loud bang, she kicked open her stall door, wand pointed at the unsuspecting women. _Bonkers._ She thought the word with all her mind. As if hit over the head by a club, the two women sank to the floor in a faint.

Normally, Bellatrix would have used an Unforgivable, but that could be tracked. Murder in the bathroom was not the best way to stay under cover.

Bella looked down at her two victims. One of the women was a Healer. Bella stole her lime green robe and pulled it over her own head.

_Mobil corpus. _Bella thought, wand pointed at the women. Slowly, they left the floor and drifted to one of the windows. Bella magicked them through, and deposited them carelessly on the other side.

Now she had another five hours to wait before going for that Healer-in-Charge.

OoOoOoOoOo

At around nine-thirty, someone opened the door to the bathroom and waved her wand. All the lights extinguished. Bella hid in her stall, keeping her feet drawn up, and not making a sound. Eventually, the woman left.

At ten o'clock, Bella slipped out of the bathroom. Aside from cramped legs, she was feeling relatively loosey-goosey and ready. Like a cat, Bella stalked up a dark hall. Where would the Healer-in-Charge's office be?

The lights in the lobby were still blazing, so Bella steered clear of that general area. She slinked through halls and corridors and stairwells, until…she ended up outside an office—_the_ office—she was looking for. (Completely by accident, of course.)

**Adrian Liverwort**

**Healer-in-Charge**

_That's the guy._ Laughed Bellatrix. _Alas, Master, you make it too easy…_

Wand clamped in her right hand, Bella reached for the doorknob. The sadistic monster that lived inside her was getting excited, for that monster lived to perform _Crucio._ This was Bella's passion. This is what she was born to do. She turned the doorknob…

"Melanie! What on earth are you doing all the way down here?" A stern voice floated to Bella's ears. "_Expelliarmus_."

This person took her by so much surprise that Bella didn't even have time to protect her wand.

"Honestly! First that Lockhart fellow, and now you! What's gotten into you guys?"

The speaker was a tall woman of about thirty. She pointed her wand at Bellatrix and chords shot out, binding her wrists.

"And what made you think you could have a wand?" The Healer added. "Where did you get it?"

Bella couldn't answer. She was too dumbfounded. How could she let her senses wander like that and not be alert and ready? And the Dark Lord? What would he do?

"Now come along…you can talk to Healer Adrian tomorrow."

"…What?" Bellatrix asked, looking at the Healer properly for the first time.

"If you're a good girl tonight, Mel, you can go see Adrian tomorrow."

Bella grinned. Bless fate that she looked like this Melanie patient.

And Bella had no problems with being led away by the Healer knowing that on a few short hours, Healer Adrian would be led right into her waiting hands.

**Yeah! Part two! I did it! I did it! I did it! Yeah! Now onto the reviewers:**

**DEAD-LUTHIEN: Ha! I can always count on you to save my self-esteem. Thanks for the very kind review!**

**TIKVAH ARIEL: Yeah, Sorry about those other characters. My bad, my bad. I hope you find this section a good read, though.**

**MARAUDER4EVER: Thanks a lot! **

**QUIDDITCHMOKE: Wow, your review was so nice! I'm continuing this story on your suggestion. When I think about it, I did leave it in a cliffy-zone. The magical green-thumb part was when Lockhart decides to go into the forest because Healer Miriam says he's good with coloring plant pictures. Dung brain, ain't he? **

**THEHPGANG: Hey, thanks, oh wise Lupy! I'm glad you appreciate my imagination. And comparing it to Dobby's! Awesome! Yeah, I don't know where the hokey pokey thing came from. Sometimes when typing, random nonsense just filters through my brain. Looks like the hokey pokey came through that day…lol. **

**SLIM SHADY: Urg, wouldn't it be gross if this were a BL/GL fic? People would be puking all over the world. I'm glad you liked the 'Hormone' bit. For more on my normal-cough mind, please see the comment for theHPgang. **

**Ha! Thanks you guys!**

**Deb-lil is going, going, staying…nope, going after all…gone! **


	3. Chapter 3: Operation Get a Wand

**Hi! Deb-lil is back yet again. But then, Deb-lil always eventually comes back. Well, today was deemed a day for my return, so here's a new chapter. Hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: Still own nothing 'cept the plot. **

**Chapter 3: Operation 'Get a Wand'**

Still disbelieving of her incredible luck, Bellatrix let the Healer drag her off to one of the upper stories of St. Mungo's hospital.

"Now Melanie, you remember our strict policy about wandering off, don't you?"

"Uh," Bella thought fast, "no. Please rephrase it, woman."

"Rephrase?" The Healer asked kindly, still holding Bella's hand. "My, you've been learning big words. Well, our policy is there will be no wandering unless you're accompanied by a Healer."

Bella nodded. _Looks like I'm going to have to break that one, huh? _She thought.

"Here we are. Janus Thickey ward."

"What?" Bella asked in shock. That was the same ward where they were keeping that Lockhart fellow.

The healer smiled pitifully. "Oh, you poor dear. You don't remember. We moved you last week. You were getting to be a bit too violent for the AST ward.

"Excuse me, the _what_?" Bella demanded, pulling her hand from the woman's grasp.

"It's not important, honey."

Bella glared. "I'll be the judge of that."

The Healer looked a bit taken aback at being addressed like this by a patient. "It's the Anti-Sadistic Therapy Ward. Therapy didn't work to well for you—hey! Where'd you get those robes!" She had just noticed Bella was wearing lime green Healer garb.

But Bella wasn't the least bit worried by the woman's newest discovery. The façade of Melanie would protect her. "What do you mean, 'Anti-Sadist'? I am not a sadist."

"Oh, of course not, dear. Here, if you want to wear those robes, you may. But you have to be good if you want to see the Healer-in-Charge."

Bella pursed her lips as the Healer unlocked the door to Janus Thickey with _Bella's_ wand.

"Good night, dear." The Healer said, pushing Bella onto the only vacant bed.

"Let me have my wand back." Bella sneered.

The woman chuckled. "I'm sure the _real_ owner of this wand is very worried about it. I think I better hang onto it. 'Night."

And the lock clicked from the outside.

Bella shivered. How in the name of Hell was she going to get the Healer now! If she waited to be brought to the Healer, she wouldn't have a wand to do him in with. But if she stole one…The only problem was she was officially wandless and locked in a hospital ward. There wasn't even a wand to steal. Bella shook her head, he grungy black hair whipping around her shoulders. _How could one simple little capture-mission grow to be so complicated?_ She wondered.

"Oh, my gosh! It's Hormone!"

Bella winced as the innocent eyes of the attractive-yet-vacant man peered at her from another bed.

"Hormone! I thought you died!" He cried, springing to his feet. Bella noticed he was clad in fuzzy slippers.

_Why won't _you _die? _Bellatrix wondered before saying, "No, Gilderoy, I'm not dead."

"Did you come here to learn songs and dances too?" Lockhart asked, his blue eyes obviously shining even in the dark.

"No…" Bella answered, still sidetracked.

"I'm gonna teach you one! I'm gonna teach Hormone a song! A songie, song, song! A songie, song, song! A ssssssssssooooooonnnnnnnnnggggggg—"

"Will you _shut up_!" Bella demanded, her head pounding. What would the Dark Lord do if he saw her talking to such company?

Lockhart blinked. "No." He said simply.

"What?" Bella asked him.

"I will not shut up until you sing with me."

Bella stared at him. Was she about to take orders from a probable Muggle-born? Bella settled on ignoring him, and contemplated her escape…one that preferably involved the capture of the Healer-in-Charge as well.

"If you don't sing…I'll…kick you!"

Bella continued to tune him out.

"I'll KICK you!" Lockhart repeated.

Bella ignored him until she felt a sharp jab in the leg.

"Ouch!" She yelled. Quick as a flash, Bella's reflexes shot into play, and she'd knocked Lockhart across the room.

He was unfazed. "Let's sing!" He cried, jumping to his feet.

"Fine," Bella said, realizing defeat. "What do you want to…to sing?"

"Sticky Moose." Answered Lockhart. "I sing one line, and you repeat it!"

"Fine. Go on."

Lockhart cleared his throat loudly. "There was a sticky moose!"

"There was a sticky moose."

"Who liked to drink a lot of juice!" Lockhart cried, spinning around the ward.

"Who liked to drink a lot of juice."

"There was a sticky mo-oo-se!"

"There was a sticky moose."

"Who liked to drink a lot of juice!"

"Who liked to drink a lot of juice."

"While singin' 'Wa-oh-way-oh'!"

"While singin' 'Wa-oh-way-oh'." Bella repeated with a grimace.

"'Way-oh-way-oh-way-oh-way-oh'!"

"'Way-oh-way-oh-way-oh-way-oh'."

"'Way-oh-way-oh'!"

"'Way-oh-way-oh'."

"'Wa-oh-oh-way-oh'!"

"'Wa-oh-oh-way-oh'." Bella concluded. "There, now can you shut up?"

"EEEEEEEE!" Lockhart shrieked. "There are more verses!"

"Are there now?" Bella asked through gritted teeth.

"Now we dance!" Lockhart cried, pulling Bella up off the bed.

This had gone far enough. "Stop it, damn you!" She yelled, prying him off her.

"Hormone!" He whined. "C'mooooonnnnnn…"

"Fine." She sighed.

"The moose's name was Fred!" Lockhart continued the singing, this time pulling Bella around the ward in a kind of crazed waltz.

"The moose's name was Fred."

"He liked to drink his juice in bed!"

"He liked to drink his juice in bed."

"The moose's name was Fre-ed!"

"The moose's name was Fred."

"He liked to drink his juice in bed!"

"He liked to drink his juice in bed." Bella concluded. Then, to her disgust, Lockhart began the chorus.

"And he was singin, 'Wa-oh-way-oh'!"

"Singin' 'Wa-oh-way-oh'."

"'Way-oh-way-oh-way-oh-way-oh'!"

"'Way-oh-way-oh-way-oh-way-oh'."

"'Way-oh-way-oh'!"

"'Way-oh-way-oh'."

"'Wa-oh-oh-way-oh'!"

"'Wa-oh-oh-way-oh'."

Lockhart concluded the chorus with a kind of pirouette leap; and consequently, he crashed into the beds at the far end of the ward.

Rolling her eyes, Bella went to help him up. But she stopped at the sight of the two people in the far beds.

A man and a woman, both had slept through the blatant disturbance, had a sort of dark and vague look plastered over their faces. Bella didn't need an Auror to tell her what had happened to them; they'd been Crucio'd, and Crucio'd very well. She grinned at their pathetic state, her sadistic side shining in all its glory.

"Gilderoy, what are their names?" She asked, pointing to the two people.

Lockhart, having extracted himself from the man's hangings, looked carelessly over his shoulder at his dorm mates. "Hmm? He's Mister Saggy-bottom, and that's his wife, Malice."

Bella knitted her eyebrows. There was something wonderfully familiar about those two disturbed people…she just didn't know what.

"C'mon, Hormone! Next verse!"

"Oh Merlin…ay!" Bella spluttered as Lockhart grabbed her hands once again.

"Fred drank his juice with care!" Lockhart sang.

"Fred drank his juice with care." Bella repeated.

"But he spilled some on his hair!"

"But he spilled some on his hair."

"He drank his juice with ca-are!"

He drank his juice with care."

"Buuut he spilled some on his hair!"

"But he spilled some on his hair."

"So he started singin'—"

"Enough!" Bella yelled, not thinking she could stand another verse. "That's enough! I need to think about what I'm gonna do!" She knew she sounded whiny, but she didn't care.

"CHORUS!" Lockhart screeched.

And before she could think, Bella found herself singin:

"'Wa-oh-way-oh'."

"'Way-oh-way-oh-way-oh-way-oh'!"

"'Way-oh-way-oh-way-oh-way-oh'."

"'Way-oh-way-oh'!"

"'Way-oh-way-oh'."

"'Wa-oh-oh-way-oh'!"

"'Wa-oh-oh-way-oh'."

"HE'S A MOOSE! FULL OF JUICE! AND HE'S ON THE LOOOOOOSE!"

Lockhart let the last notes warble out for a good minute. Bella was even a bit shocked at the man's lung capacity.

"Hahaha!" Lockhart collapsed on his bed. "Now, what was it that Miss Hormone needed to think about?"

"Not your business." Bella sneered, adopting the preoccupied voice once again. "I need to think…"

"Tell me." Lockhart commanded.

Bella ignored him.

"Tell me!" Lockhart yelled, kicking Bella in the leg.

"Damn you." Sighed Bella. To shut him up, she said, "I need a wand."

To her horror, Lockhart laughed. "Well, why didn't you say so?"

"What?"

"I _have_ a wand!"

"You have a wand." Bella repeated the phrase in disbelief.

"Yup. Yup. Yup." Lockhart answered excitedly, but I keep it in with my Saggy-Bottom."

"You keep it where with your what?" Bella asked, disgusted.

You know!" Lockhart sighed, as if he were speaking to a very dim-witted person. "Mr. Saggy-Bottom." He pointed sharply at the disturbed man.

Bella looked at him. "Mr. Um…Saggy-Bottom's got a wand?"

"Yeah." Lockhart replied. "I keep it in his bedside table. It was the first wand I ever stole from Miss Miriam…er—borrowed. I borrowed it. I never stole anything."

Bella wasn't listening. She was making her way over the collapsed curtains that once surrounded the disturbed man's bed. She reached a small table and pulled open the drawer. There lay her prize.

Nine inches long Birch wood with the feel of a unicorn tail hair core, Bella held an Ollivander creation. Even better. Ollivander was one of her boys now.

"Lockhart." Bella said gravely, holding the wand to her chest. "Thanks a lot." She felt her eyes narrow. "You helped me a lot. You've helped me more than you can know…"

**All right, so now Bellabitch is ready to capture her target at last. Let me know what you thought of this chapter. As always, all reviews are welcome. Naturally, nice ones are preferred, but flame if you must. Hell, I'm a teen-ager. I'd be lying to you if I said I didn't like playing with fire now and then.**

**Reviewers: (Old reviewers, get ready to be showered with thanks)**

**BAGGE: **Yep, Lockhart is just a loveable simpleton and Bellabitch…well…is SADIST OF THE CENTURY an understatement? So daytime is pretty crazy at St. Mungo's hospital. Don't you feel enlightened now that you know what the patients do at night? Thanks for your review!

**Marauder4ever:** Yep, the continuation's in honor of those who reviewed, i.e. you, QuidditchMoke, Dead-Luthien, Tikvah Ariel, theHPgang and someone else…oh yeah, Bagge up there. Hope you like this one. It was wicked fun to write.

**QuidditchMoke: **I agree. Somehow, writing about Bella and Lockhart is surprisingly fun, not to mention funny. Thanks for your nice review. As for your stories, they DON'T suck. I kinda like HP and Me. It's cute, and I bet it's harder then people think to fit an extra character into an already created scene. I've read about seven chappies in it, and I can't wait to get back. (And I'll leave plenty of reviews on your doorstep too!)

**Dead-Luthien: **Yep, I can take a guess as to what you were going to say, so here's what I say: Thank you! But, I wasn't prepared for what D'Art did.

YOUR BIRD FLEW TO AMERICA!

D'Art: Deb-lil!

Me: AAHHHHH! Don't sneak up on me!

D'Art: I sînt mergi la a lua tot al tău bomboană!

Me: But D'Art, I don't speak Romanian!

D'Art: Then type it into a translator!

So I did, and apparently, D'Art is going to take all my candy too!

Me: NOOOOO!

And D'Artagnan flies off into the night with MY candy in his beak.

Thanks for the review, and I hope you like this chapter. (And tell D'Art I want my candy back!)

Deb-lil will return sometime in the near future… 

**She always does…**

…**eventually.**


	4. Chapter 4:I'm Guessing you Know Who I am

**Yippee-I-O! More on the unlikely tale of Bellatrix and Lockhart. However, this is more of a Bellatrix tale. Ah, what can you do? I guess I'll stop the ramblings and get on with the tale. How does that sound?**

**Disclaimer: Own nothing but the truth. Eh…the plot also. Characters are JKR's and blah, blah, blah. Actual idea to put these two characters together was Tikvah Ariel's idea and blah, blah, blah. The rest is Deb-lil's and blah, blah, blah. Oh wait, _I'm_ Deb-lil. We want to hear that bit. **

**Passerby in the Forest **

**C****hapter 4 **

**I'm Guessing you Know Who I am.**

"_Alohomora!_" Bellatrix nearly laughed the incantation as she pointed it to the lock on the hospital ward door.

With a strangely satisfying _click_ and _thump_, the door slid open.

"Hormone, where are you going?" Lockhart asked her. He was currently playing with the fallen hangings around the disturbed man's bed.

"I'm—I'm going to visit a friend, Lockhart." She smiled at herself for her little pun before slinking into the corridor and shutting the ward door.

Trying to remember the layout of the building, Bella moved in a westerly direction. No sooner had she turned one corner did she hear the slight thumping of footsteps from behind. Keeping her cool, Bella glanced around. There was no place to hide. The footsteps grew louder. Blood pounded in her ears out of nerves. Bella slinked into a shadowy niche in what was probably the nick of time.

The slow footsteps grew level with Bella. They belonged to a patrolman, who slowly stalked the halls…almost haunting them.

She held her breath as he passed, her heart palpitating. Then, to her horror, the patrolman slowly revolved on the spot.

Bowing her head, she prayed to the Dark Lord that he wouldn't spot her.

"_Lumos,_" he hissed.

A thin beam of wand-light began shining. He flashed the beam into the shadowed niche diagonal from Bella. Meticulously, almost lovingly, he caressed the niche with the yellow light. Then he inspected the niche opposite Bella. She was next!

She closed her eyes as the patrolman traced the beam along the wall leading to Bella. He was so close…so close…five meters only…

There was a strange crash somewhere in the distance.

"Damn it," the patrolman cursed under his breath, "AST Healers can't control…_Nox._" His wand-light vanished; he turned on his heel, and departed. She could hear him grumbling as he slid down the hall.

_Close call, _Bellatrix sighed to herself. _'S all right. Shake it off…_

With a quick shake of her head to clear it, Bella continued her quest.

She stalked the corridors, evading patrolmen and Healers alike. After a few minutes, she found herself at a stairwell. She poked her head around the corner, and then drew it back quickly. A patrolman was right there on the landing.

Bella cursed. She didn't dare do an Unforgivable for fear of it being traced. _But a simple spell…_ she wondered, _Could I get away with it?_

There was no other way than to try. She poked her wand around the corner before following it with her head. "_Petrificus Totalus!_" She thought the words with all her might. Had she used her voice, she would have been screaming.

The patrolman was paralyzed before he even had time to register the sound of the spell flying from the wand. Bella kept her face covered as she headed down the staircase. She knew the _Petrificus_ curse allowed movement of the eyes. She didn't want any witnesses to this.

At the bottom of the staircase, she noticed patrolmen doing rounds about what appeared to be a square. She watched them come and go for about five minutes. First came the red-haired one. He'd face the stairwell for a minute before departing. Thirty seconds later, a man with a big beard would take his place. He'd look around, revolving on the spot slowly. Forty-five seconds after he left, a tall woman would come. Then the cycle would repeat itself.

Bella waited until the man with the beard started around the corner. _Now's my chance!_ Thought Bellatrix. She stepped out of the stairwell and tiptoed after the bearded patrolman.

Stealthily, she pressed her back against a shadowed wall. The patrolwoman would be coming around at any moment. Keeping one eye on the patrolman with the beard, Bella moved along the wall, careful to keep her breathing steady. When the patrolman reached the corner, he stopped. He did that stupid revolving thing again.

All too soon, the guards shifted positions again. Bella—more out of nerves than anything else—darted after the bearded patrolman. She didn't turn the corner with him, however; but continued along a straight passageway.

At the end of the chute was an alcove with desks and file folders. It was a nurses' station.

Again, to her horror, Bella heard footsteps come down an adjacent hall. Only…the steps weren't the slow paces of the watchmen—they were quick. Urgent.

With a surge of panic, Bella dove into the nurses' station and busied herself with a file folder.

The footsteps stopped just behind Bella.

"Oh, Healer," came a voice. It belonged to a young man, Bella decided. It was slightly squeaky; much like Rabastan's voice before he joined the Dark Lord's services. Her young brother-in-law had grown up so very much. "Healer?" The man repeated.

Bella smiled to herself, keeping her back to the kid. These Healer's robes were the best things she'd ever stolen! "Hmmm?" She asked, pretending to be preoccupied.

"Er—sorry to bother you, heh, heh," he laughed nervously. "I didn't realize anyone else was down here…except for the patrolmen." He giggled again—awkward kid—no doubt just out of Hogwarts, or some other educational abomination.

"Can I help you?" Bella inquired. She didn't even listen to him bumble on about something he needed. She worked on finding a map of St. Mungo's. Every second going by was another second that she could be caught by a patrolman or Healer.

"Er—Healer?"

"Yes."

"Er—can you tell me where I can find the Prinski file. You know, the man who sprouted antlers this afternoon?"

"Hmm, yes. I have it right here." Bella lied, fabricating a plan.

"Really?" He took an eager step forward just as she spun around.

Naturally, the young man was horrified to see the skull-like face of Bellatrix Lestrange staring at him from the neck hole of Healer's robes.

"Surprise." She whispered, pointing her wand at his face. "_Silencio!_" She hissed. His voice extinguished before he could scream.

She grabbed him by his nurse's robe. Roughly, she deposited him in a chair. He was very thin with large brown eyes, brown hair cropped close, and a bit of a rash on his forehead. His mouth was working feverishly, though no sound came out.

"Listen," She hissed, keeping a firm grip on both his wrists. (He had reached for his wand.) "I don't know what you've heard about me, but I can guess it hasn't been pleasant. And unless you want to end up like the lot you've read about in the newspapers, I suggest you keep quiet about this." She grinned wildly at his stunned face, revealing the mad glow that often flashed through her eyes. "Are we clear? Nod or shake your head."

The boy hesitated, but nodded.

"Now, I want a favor from you." She continued, disregarding the hesitation. "Point me in the direction of the Healer-in-Charge. My master requires a meeting with your master."

He squinted at her, clearly perplexed at the use of the word 'master' to describe his employer, but he didn't disobey. He raised his left hand and pointed down the corridor, before jerking his wrist upwards.

"Down the hall and up the stairs?" She asked.

Vigorous nods.

"You lie." She whispered, and his eyes widened. "You mean to tell me that if I go down that hall and up, I will reach the Healer-in-Charge?"

He nodded slowly.

"Hmm…and if I find you are hoodwinking me, I will hunt you down. I don't know when, but mark my words…It. Will. Happen. And unless you want the Dark Mark blazing over your place one stormy night, I suggest you tell the truth."

The kid raised his right hand and pointed down a corridor. Then he jerked his wrist downwards.

"Ah…that's better, isn't it? Not so hard, no?"

He shook his head rapidly; moonlight filtering in through the windows casting an eerie blue shadow on his face.

"Then you and me are done…for now. _Petrificus Totalus._"

His whole body went rigid, and he toppled out of his chair onto his back. His brown eyes watched her stalk away, fear evident.

Excitedly, Bella continued creeping along the hall. At the stairwell, she sprang around the corner so fast, that she scared the hell out of the patrolman.

"_Stupefy!_" She thought powerfully. He slammed into the wall hard. A small trickle of blood oozed its way from beneath his hairline.

She grinned savagely. At the top of the stairs, she knew exactly where she was. She'd been here before.

**Adrian Liverwort**

**Healer-in-Charge**

Raising the wand, she whispered the incantation _Alohomora._

With another satisfying click, she pushed the door open.

"_Expelliarmus!_"

"_Mobil Corpus!_"

The two spells hit her so hard; she was knocked off her feet before the _mobil _spell could even pick her up.

Wandless, and hanging a foot of the ground, Bella stared around at her attackers. Two people stood with their wands raised. One was a small man, and the other was tall and haughty. They were Aurors. Behind them was a desk. A strange woman sat in front of it. She was Bella's age, and looked stunningly similar to Bella…right down to the evil eyes. The only difference was Bella's eyes held a glimmer of intelligence, whereas this woman was simply cold and evil. Behind the desk sat a man in lime green robes. He had shiny black hair, brown eyes, and a grin.

"Ah, Bellatrix. I was wondering when you'd pay me a visit." He said. "I just didn't think it'd be so soon. Luckily Dwalish and his friend came on such short notice…otherwise, you may have killed me!"

"It's quite a let-down." Bella agreed, not wanting to let him know how angry she was.

"Boys, let her down. Let's have a word with dear Bellatrix Lestrange."

Healer-in-Charge Adrian Liverwort laughed as the Auror called Dwalish let her down to the ground.

**Ay. Bellatrix was so close wasn't she? Not close enough, right? Onto the reviewers!**

**BaGgE: **Yes, each night in St. Mungo's is probably pretty loony. And you're right. Having Bella and Lockhart sing the moose-song in the same ward as the Longbottoms is…cruel. I almost didn't put it in. But then, Lockhart really isn't a bad guy, and he doesn't know any better when it comes to Frank and Alice.

I don't know if you've gotten my review on 'Shadow Boxing' yet, but just for the record, my Norwegian…relative…could not find a Crumple-Horned Snorkack. You know where he told me to go? "Sweden." You know what I told him? I said, "Bagge's already found that one from Sweden". And he said, "Ga hjem, Deb-lil!" Rude, rude, rude, rude, rude! Let me tell you…that was the last time I hunt for a Snorkack in Norway! It's Canada or Iceland for me next! What's the capital of Iceland anyway? Rjyukjavorvik? I can't remember. Just a lot of "j"s and "r"s…

**Marauder4ever: **You know the moose-song too? Ha ha! When I was at camp, we sang it to annoy people too! Sadly, it works pretty well. After the first 'Wa-oh-way-oh!', all the adults were like, "Why the hell did we teach them this garbage?" And to this day, I still sing it. They created a monster…ha. Glad you like my fic! Please write another too. I miss your crazy randomness.

**Slim Shady: **Yes, we all have our lazy no-sign-in days. It's all good. But no, unfortunately, I didn't make up the moose song on my own. It's a summer camp song that will stick with you your whole life.

**Dead-Luthien: **Ah, justice for D'Art. I don't know, maybe he's jealous of Romendancil from your fic. Before you think I've gone crazy, remember, grandpa's been having some pretty big scenes, and D'Art gets a little appearance. But still, a week with no junk food should teach him patience, respect, and self-control…hopefully. I too know what it's like to choke after an evil laugh. Good luck with that…and the hunt for an owl-free pub!

**Goodbye for now. Next chapter will be last in this fic! (Some of you cheer, the rest cry.) Once again, reviewers of all sorts are smiled upon. Even flames, yeah. If you have pent up rage, you may take it out on me. Remember, I don't even know you. However, the nice reviews are obviously preferred.**

**Thanks!**

**Deb-lil**


	5. Chapter 5: What Are the Odds?

**Okay. No serious author's notes from me today! Crowd cheers Just the rest of the tale about dear Bellatrix and Gilderoy.**

**Before we start, I have a dedication: Tikvah Ariel and QuidditchMoke! Yes, the twos a' ya. Reasons: If it wasn't for T-Ariel's brilliant challenge, this fic wouldn't have started. And if it wasn't for Q-Moke's first review, I would have left this as a crappy one-shot with an evil ending. I don't know why, but I would have. So now, onto the fic.**

**Disclaimer: You know the drill. Not in possession of anything HP related.**

**Passerby in the Forest**

**Chapter 5: What are the Odds?**

"Boys, let her down." Adrian Liverwort, Healer-in-Charge repeated. He brushed his dark hair out of his eyes and peered intently at Bellatrix Lestrange in the flesh.

Reluctantly, the haughty Auror—who had _Mobil Corpus_'d Bella—lowered his wand so she sank to the floor. Someone had put a Weak-Knee spell on her. She couldn't have run if she tried. _However…these spells could be broken if only one was patient enough…_she thought.

"What is it about you Bellatrix?" The Healer asked calmly, conjuring a straight-backed chair out of nowhere, and gently pushing Bella into it. He flicked his wand, and thin chains sprang out and bound her wrists behind her back.

"What about me?" She inquired sweetly, knowing an interrogation would ensue. However, Bella also knew her rights: They couldn't Crucio her no matter how much they'd like to. She smirked to herself…_It was against the law!_

"You haven't got a backbone, have you? Your, eh…_master_ tells you to do something, and you spring up to please him. Never once did you consider that I might have known what you were up to." The Healer began.

"It was considered." Bella said vaguely, working hard to dull the Healer's voice in her mind. _If she could concentrate…if only she could concentrate…she'd have these spells broken in no time. _

"Was it really? Judging by your shabby work, I'd say you didn't…or are you just out of practice?"

In Bella's mind, she had broken his voice down to a mere whisper, while her patience grew into the strength of a tornado.

"Or perhaps your master expected too much from you…are Voldemort's expectations a little too high?"

That brought Bella back to reality.

"Shut your mouth."

The Aurors exchanged glances, each renewing his grip on his respected wand.

"Surely thirteen years in Azkaban was scarier than hearing Voldemort's name?" The Healer taunted passively. .

"_Shut your mouth_." She tried to focus back on the spell cast on her knees, but she couldn't.

_Him! Him with his unworthy lips! How dare he say the Dark Lord's name!_

"Bellatrix." Adrian said with an air like they were old pals. "Bella, with all due respect, don't make this hard for yourself. Regardless of what you do or say here, you're going back to Azkaban. If you cooperate with me, you'll return to your cell and perhaps nothing more will happen to you. But…if you attack me—which I'm sure you'd love to do—it wouldn't be a shocker if you find yourself dealing with a higher form of the law. Death penalty, maybe."

"You use big phrases to express a simple point." Bella told him, giving up on trying to break the Weak-Knee-Charm.

She decided to try and undo the chains binding her wrists without anyone seeing. Adrian Liverwort was pacing before her, and his back was now to her. The two Aurors seemed more concerned with watching her face than her hands. And that strange woman? Well, she sat in front of Liverwort's desk, completely oblivious to the scene before her.

The Healer smiled. "Alright Bella. Why don't you tell me what Vol—"

"_Shut it!_"

"Why don't you tell me what _Voldemort_ wants with me."

"Yeah." Bella agreed sarcastically. "I'll give you that right along with the key to my Gringotts vault."

"What does Voldemort want me for?" Adrian repeated, ignoring Bella's cheek.

"The Dark Lord would like…" Bella began, continuing inching her wrists into a more maneuverable position. "…A Potions expert…" Ever so slowly, she rotated her left wrist. "…And a charismatic person…" The fingers of her left hand grappled with the chains on her right. "…And somebody who'd be a worthwhile candidate to our cause…" She twisted, feeling the chain links shift subtly. "…Naturally, none of these things describes you."

Adrian smiled. "And he also probably wants a loyal servant who can get out of a chain-wire without being caught."

Bella froze.

The haughty Auror pointed his want at Bella's cheek and cried, "_Relashio!_"

Bella shrieked as white-hot pain licked her face. She felt welts and bumps arise all over her stinging and smarting cheek. Once the initial shock wore off, Bella burst out laughing.

"Ha, ha! That was a good hit! Just the right amount of rage and everything! But I do say, my sister Narcissa could throw a better curse than that."

The Auror said nothing, but the Healer narrowed his eyes. Bella grinned at him—though it hurt her face—because she knew he was getting frustrated with her.

"Alright, you want to know why my master wanted to see you?" Bella asked. She hoped to throw him off as she slowly began the process of twisting her wrists again.

"Yes."

"Because you're a wanted man. St. Mungo's has been a center controlled by the group known as the Order of the Phoenix for decades."

"I know nothing of that cause." Adrian said coldly.

"Don't give me that." Bella sneered, emboldened after taking the upper hand. "You've been giving aid to various wizards and witches known to be in the Order. We have the proof. You tried to stop us murdering Mr. Bode last year, and to no avail! And now you're worried we're gonna do you like we did Bode!"

"To _do_ me? You mean to _murder_ me? Azkaban will have you for this, Bella."

"Ah, that's quite an extrapolation, Adrian." Bella said, her rising voice masking the sounds of the undone chains sliding across her wrists and to the floor. "I never said anything about murdering you."

"Yeah, you did just now." The Auror Dwalish said.

Bella glanced at him. "I _implied_ it…and there's no reason to get immature."

He blushed in spite of himself, but maintained a steady grip on his wand.

"An implication is not enough to get me locked away in prison." Bella continued, keeping her wrists behind her back to pretend like they were still tied. "It's the tangible stuff…"

"You mean like the Longbottoms." Adrian said. His voice was cold and dry as he spoke. He had personal relations with the people Bellatrix had tortured into insanity. He was a friend of their boy—Neville Longbottom—and his grandma.

For the second time that night, Bella felt that crazed grin slide over her face as she thought of the Cruciatus Curse. Only this time, she was happier because thinking of Frank and Alice brought back happy, personal memories.

"Ah yes, Frank and Alice…" She said fondly, "They took a long time to crack, they did…"

"_Furnunculus_!" bellowed Adrian, pointing his wand at Bella's face. Rage surged throughout him, burning in his veins. _She did it! It was her! It's because of her that those people can't recognize themselves or each other! Or their son!_

Boils erupted all over Bellatrix's face. She howled initially when the spell hit her, but like before, she ended it laughing.

"Did I hit a nerve there, Adrian?" She inquired sweetly.

"_Silencio._" Said the haughty Auror. "Had to shut her up." He added to Adrian, whose dark eyes were blazing.

"No." Adrian said, shaking slightly. "You can't act unless ordered to. Lift that spell."

The Auror looked like he wanted to disagree, but he didn't argue. Bella soon felt the spell lift. She was able to speak again.

"You're proud of what you did, aren't you?" Adrian hissed at Bella, stepping in front of her chair. He bent so his face was inches form hers. "You enjoy thinking of all the pain you caused those people, don't you?"

"Yes." She answered with a crooked grin.

"Look at her." Adrian commanded, pointing to the dark haired woman who was sitting at the desk. "This poor woman's name is Melanie. Is she funny to you?"

Bella glanced at her. "Not as funny as Frank and Alice, but yes, she does make me giggle."

_WHAM!_

Adrian's hand swung from out of nowhere and hit Bellatrix in the face. The burn from _Relashio_ started stinging and some of her new boils ruptured, but Bella grinned anyway.

"In the future, you'll want to aim a little higher." She said. "You tend to hit a little below-target."

"You mean like this!" He shouted, drawing his hand back and smacking her in the face again.

Bella forced herself not to wince. She's taken worse pain before. A slap was nothing. "Yes, that was better."

Adrian was shaking almost uncontrollably. "You're sick…You're twisted…"

"You're not saying anything I haven't heard before!" She cried in a crazed voice, feeling a bruise form on her cheek, and hot pus from the boils ooze over the _Relashio_ welts.

Adrian resumed his position in front of Bella, his face inches from hers. "Tell me for real, Bellatrix, what does Voldemort want from me?"

"Think reasonably, Adrian…" Bella began, gathering her nerves for the stunt she was about to pull. "Ever heard of a guy named Horace Slughorn? Yeah, you got the same potions talent he has, and you're smarter than he is…but you've also wronged my Lord in the past. _That's_ why you're special, _that's_ why he wants you. Did you really need me to tell you that?"

Adrian contemplated her for a moment…he _had_ suspected Voldemort's supporters to come after him at one point in time…Adrian had paused for a moment to many. Before he had tie to pull away, Bella lashed out at him, closing her hands around his neck…choking him…gagging him.

_Destination! _She thought frantically. _The Riddle Mansion, Little Hangleton, Great Britain! Determination! Deliberation! Determination, deliberation!_

There was a loud crack, and Bella felt the familiar Apparating sensation of the walls closing in around her. But there was something wrong…something was holding her back.

Now she felt decidedly peculiar…the office seemed to be flashing before her very eyes, switching briefly with a vision of a dingy sitting room. The Apparating sensation was coming and going very rapidly, like the room was expanding and contracting a mile a minute.

"Oh…Hell…no!" She heard someone yell. The voice sounded very distant, but she could feel hot breath on her face. How very odd…"No…Apparation…from…you! Arrgh!"

With a violent lurch, the room expanded for the last time. All of the sudden, everything went sideways, and stars appeared. _What's happening!_ Then Bella realized she had merely fallen off her chair, and when she tried to stand, that Weak-Knee Spell made her crash to the floor. The stars were a result of her head hitting the ground.

"No!" Adrian yelled. His voice sounded distant, but Bella could feel his breath. "Don't let her Apparate! I had to stop her before!"

_So that's what happened…_Bella realized, Adrian had realized what she was up to, and he had Apparated them back to the office. _That's_ why she couldn't get away.

"Stun her!" Adrian cried, "Stun her! I've lost my wand! Take her out!"

Bella cursed loudly, and began pulling herself to the door with her arms. If she could get close enough…she might be able to Apparate…

"_Stupef—_Arrgh!" Bella deflected an attempted Stunning spell by Dwalish by flinging a broken leg of her chair at him.

"_Impedimenta!_" The haughty Auror shot a curse at her. It whizzed by her face, missing by centimeters because the stumbling Dwalish bowled him over.

Bella had army-crawled to the door, and heaved her body into a sitting position. _Yes_! She could just reach the doorknob.

"No! _Accio_ wand! _Accio! _Ah, forget it!" Adrian abandoned the search for his wand, and dove at Bella himself.

He latched his strong Healer's hands around her throat and tried pulling her back into the office by the neck. Bella grappled with his arms, but no avail—he was stronger. She did the only thing she could think of doing; she made a guttural noise in her throat, and spat in his eye.

"Arrgh!" Adrian hollered, but he didn't let go.

The two of them continued their struggle, and Bella took advantage of his moment of surprise. She raised her left arm and gave him a sharp left-hook in the eye. He cried out, but he still wouldn't let go. Adrian tightened his grip around Bella's throat, keeping stale air in her lungs.

Dark spots appeared in her eyes, each leaving her line of vision before she could actually see them. He was suffocating her. She kept making these involuntary wheezy sounds as she fought to take in more oxygen. If her brain had a voice, it'd be screaming. Bella's arms flailed in all directions, but never came close to Adrian—their target.

"_Is this funny?_" He asked her. "Is _this_ funny to you!" He shrieked. Rage for what she did to the Longbottoms licked his insides. He decided one thing; he would kill this woman!

Vaguely, Bella made eye contact with him. His eyes were a deep hazel color, and they were burning…and what was that? It wasn't only rage flickering in his eyes; there was something else. Revenge? Partially. Hate? Most definitely, but there was still something else…something brutal, something fiendish. And Bella felt her face contort into another vicious smile…_He was no better than she was. _

All her life, she'd been called a sadist. But look at him…look at Adrian! This unconditional revenge was making him, well…_happy_. Bella smiled another savage grin. _That's_ sadistic.

_He was no better than she was._

"Is this funny, Bellatrix!" His voice had gotten so loud that his throat felt ready to rip. Crazy Bellatrix Lestrange continued smiling.

Suddenly, all sadistic happiness vanished from Bella. This was no longer a matter of what Adrian's eyes said…she was loosing her life slowly. Her whole body started twitching…and that's when she noticed her knees weren't under a weakness spell anymore.

She kicked out as hard as she could, sinking her foot into Adrian's belly. Even he couldn't ignore that. He yelled, released her, and doubled over in pain.

Bella didn't even think about her actions anymore. She sprang to her feet—surprised they could hold her up—as she took in the much-needed gulps of air. She bolted for the door, noticing Adrian had dragged her a good ten meters away from it. Unfortunately, an Auror was on her faster than she could say _'Crucio'_.

"No!" The Auror yelled. Bella noted it was Dwalish. "You won't get away that easily! Nyaaah!"

The little man dove at her, and latched onto her back. Bella staggered and crashed headfirst into the door.

To her surprise—and horror—her head broke the door. Her whole head became hot, and she knew full well blood was running down her face.

Her eyes lolled, and rolled back into her head; the last thing she saw was some person lying in a crumpled heap. She didn't even care about whom that person was. Everything was becoming warm and white. Vaguely…blissfully…white. All consciousness left her at that moment, and Bellatrix Black-Lestrange faded into a calm…chalky white dream.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

_So _this_ is death. _

_Master, it's…pleasant. Perhaps you should just destroy those Horcruxes and let the Potter brat kill you. If this is what death's like, we should stop wasting our time on that wretched planet of the living…_

_I'm sorry I couldn't bring Adrian Liverwort to you. Somehow—and believe you me, I _don't_ know how—he was tipped off about our plan. But then, anyone could have put together why we wanted to capture him…even the Potter brat…even my stupid cousin, Sirius—that is, if you gave them enough time. But hey, it's not important. You could rule so much more forcibly here…here in death…wherever I am…_

_I, your most faithful servant, regret more than anything that I failed you. But please, please, _please_ understand how sincere I am about how…wonderful…this realm of the dead is._

_And I doubt there are any Muggles allowed here. They are not worthy… _

For the first time since she was a little kid, Bella felt…happy. She was comfortable, if not slightly confused. Her unexpected death was a shock—even to her—and she was still trying to figure out all about what it was like to be dead.

_Some people are going to get seriously haunted!_

Then, all of the sudden, her little shell of happiness and warmth seemed to flicker then crash.

_What the Hell's going on here?_

"She's waking up!" somebody was shouting. The voice seemed fuzzy in her mind.

"Damn near died, I'd say." Somebody else added in an even more distant voice.

"What of Lockhart?" Asked another.

And as if it went through that door again, Bella felt like her head would crack in two.

"AAARRRGGGHHH!" Somebody screamed. It was a high-pitched, disturbing scream…_wait a minute, that's _my_ scream!_

Suddenly, colors swam into view. The grey, stone ceiling of an office slid into focus. Bella had been here before…yes! This was where she died! Just behind her was a broken door where her head slammed through! She knew it!

After a moment, Bella had the sense to close her mouth. That piercing scream died away. All her senses were coming back, and fast…too fast. She tried to sit up, but hands on her shoulders pushed her back down. Bella took this moment to try and shake the lingering confusion.

Crouching on her left side with his hands over his shoulders was a dark-haired man…Bella knew him from somewhere. Beyond him were two more men, one tall and haughty, and the other too small for his own good. Aurors. They were Aurors! Sitting in a chair against the wall was a dark haired woman with cold eyes and a sadistic smile…Melanie? That name kept ringing a bell.

But who was that first man? Bella knew she knew him…wait a second…

"You! You tried to kill me!" Bella shouted at the man. She tried to lift an arm to point accusingly at him, but she found her arm was too heavy.

"Speak for yourself!" He shouted back.

"Adrian Liverwort, the Dark Lord will make an example of you!" And to her horror, her normal charismatic demeanor left her, and she finished her threat lamely.

"Mmmm." He nodded, "Well, I'll just have to deal with that later, won't I?"

Bella glared daggers at him. "What happened?" She asked finally.

"You got your head slammed through that door behind you…actually, you slammed your own head through it. It wasn't anybody's fault but your own. Anyways, you had a concussion; it's a common—_Muggle_—head injury." He sneered to M-word, watching Bellatrix's reaction. "Fortunately—for your sake, that is—it's an easy one to cure. The moment your healthy, it's the Ministry of Magic for you. To Azkaban, Bellatrix Lestrange!" He cried, the familiar feeling of hate coming back rapidly.

She smirked at him. Suddenly, she heard a strange moaning sound to her left.

"Who's there?" She asked.

"That would be mister Gilderoy Lockhart; a suffering from a concussion because of you." Adrian answered.

"Why because of me?"

"When you slammed through that door, he had somehow made it to the other side. You took him out with you." Adrian said. He turned to the Aurors. "Guess we have to tighten security round here, eh?" They nodded.

Bellatrix sat up successfully. She expected her head to throb, but she felt surprisingly good.

She glanced around at Lockhart. The man was lying straight as a board on the office floor; his golden blonde hair flipped everywhere. She looked at his chest and saw his breathing was ragged and uneven. Then Bella received a shock she couldn't prepare herself for. She felt somewhere in her chest—somewhere over her heart—give a strange throb. Her heart began beating very rapidly as she looked at the man who once made her sing a song about a sticky moose named Fred.

Adrian gave her a quizzical look. Bella turned to him, prepared for an interrogation, but she was saved the difficulty when Lockhart started to stir.

"Gilderoy." Adrian said.

"Where…where…where…?" The man spluttered.

"It's all right, Gilderoy, you're alive." Said Adrian slowly. "You're in St. Mungo's hospital."

Lockhart tried sitting up, but changed his mind about halfway through. Clearly, his was pounding.

"St. Mungo's…yes. I moved in here about—what was it—three years ago? Yes, three years. When…when…I was Obliviated."

"Yes, that's right—woah!" Adrian yelled. "Gilderoy, you, you, you _remember_ being Obliviated?"

"Well, yes I do, sir." Gilderoy answered, sitting up successfully. "Of course I do. I was in the Ch-chamber of Secrets with two little boys. Yes! They discovered the secret, and I, their fearless teacher, was supposed to kill a beast!"

Adrian was staring at Lockhart, amazed. "You—you remember being in the Chamber with Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley?"

"Yes, I do! I remember! I was appointed teacher of the Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts. It's because I'd done so many great things. Yes, I'd done great things…feel free to see my set of published works!" Gilderoy cried triumphantly. "Wait!" He shouted again, this time pausing for a good two minutes. "Wait. I remember now…it wasn't me."

"What do you mean, 'it wasn't you'?" Adrian asked.

"I wasn't me who'd done all those great things in those books. No…they were other people. And I…I stole their credit, and look where it landed me!" He gestured frantically at the stonewalls of St. Mungo's.

Adrian seemed to have been struck speechless. This closed ward patient had miraculously regained his memory after a three-year loss! And it was all because of that Bellatrix Lestrange when she went through his office door.

Bella herself was staring at Lockhart. Her heart continued to palpitate, as she looked him over. _Why?_ She wondered, _what spell's been cast over me?_

Then she realized something else. Gilderoy was…well…_cute_. Yeah, that was it! He was really cute! And she didn't know why it took her a head injury to see that. She continued staring at him…him sitting there with a newfound respect for life shining in his eyes. She could feel herself becoming infatuated…_Wow! He's _really_ cute! _Suddenly, memories of Rodolphous, her 'husband' rotting in Azkaban, became vague. Memories of her service to the Dark Lord became pointless. Gilderoy was all that mattered.

Then Lockhart himself looked over at Bellatrix.

"My word, you're…beautiful." He said, flashing her a brilliant smile.

And Bella did something she had once sworn never to do…she _giggled_.

"What's your name, my dear?" Lockhart asked.

"Bellatrix Les—" She began, but stopped. "Bellatrix Black. My name is Bellatrix Black."

"Well, Miss Black," Lockhart began, "has anyone ever told you that you are the most gorgeous woman on the face of this earth?"

Bella continued giggling and simpering. "Stop it," she laughed, "you're making me blush!"

Adrian Liverwort stared at the two Aurors over Lockhart and Bella's heads. _What the Hell's going on here?_ He mouthed.

Bellatrix turned to Adrian. "Adrian, listen. I'm sorry for almost killing you. I promise I will never try it again."

"Damn straight, you won't!" He agreed, "It's Azkaban for you!"

"Adrian, no!" Lockhart cried. "Adrian, please. I've just met the love of my life! You can't send her off to that wretched prison!"

"Gilderoy, you do not know Bellatrix as I do. She is a con artist. She is a back-stabber. She's twisted, she's evil, she's sick!"

"She's beautiful!" Lockhart added. "Belle Bellatrix."

"No. No, you don't understand. With her, the ends justify the means…always!"

"She's changed. Haven't you, Bella?"

"Yes." Bellatrix agreed.

"How do I know…how do I know if you're lying or not? You could spin around and stab Gilderoy in the back by tonight!" Adrian yelled.

But then he made eye contact with Bella. Somehow, the sadistic glimmer seemed to be draining from her black eyes. _Could she really be trusted? _Adrian wondered. _There was a way to find out…_

"Bellatrix, what comes to mind when I say…Frank and Alice Longbottom?"

Bellatrix winced, no trace of a smile on her face. And even _she_ wasn't that good of an actor.

"I will give that boy a sickle a day until he graduates Hogwarts." Bellatrix said, looking Adrian deep in the eyes. "Neville Longbottom…I will set him up for life after school in the beginning of my life-long payment to him for what I'd done…and Harry Potter. Yes, a sickle a day for him too. After all, it is my fault his godfather is dead."

Adrian blinked, and locked eyes with her again. In that moment, he realized Bellatrix Les—Bellatrix Black had truly reformed.

"Your Master, Bella." Adrian said suddenly. "He'll find you."

"Voldemort?" Bella asked unflinchingly. "Nah, he won't. He doesn't realize that I've perfected my own Fidelius charm."

"You have?"

"Yes. The way it works is this: The Caster sets the spell so anyone with mal intentions for her or her family's well-being is officially under the influence of the spell. They could not find the caster or her family to save their lives. Ad even if they ask—or _Imperius_—someone else to do it, the spell moves over to the said person!"

"Brilliant…" muttered Dwalish, the Auror.

Adrian shook his head. "What are the odds…?" He muttered to himself before looking up at the man and woman. "Bellatrix Black and Gilderoy Lockhart…"

"Yes?" They asked together.

"Have…" He shook his head, clearly not even believing what he was going to say. "Have a nice life."

Bella slipped her hand into Lockhart's. "Will do, Adrian…will do."

**Wee! I'm done everybody! Now it's time for me to talk to the reviewers.**

**BAGGE:** Hi there! This fic is one of my best? Thanks! You're the only one who's ever commented to me about internal conflicts. I appreciate that because I spent all of my previous school year practicing that in English class. Bellatrix is a fun character to write. Almost as fun as Sirius, but not even close to Luna! I hope I cleared up who the characters were, and that you like the conclusion of the story.

And about Iceland…it's green! It's too green for the Crumple-Horned Snorkack. However, Iceland did have some Long-Horned Snorkacks. Slightly less common, I'm afraid. And American wizards are a lot like Swedish wizards in that they don't believe in Snorkacks. (Not even the Snub-Nosed Snorkack, which is native to America.) Good luck to you and/or Luna. Once those photos are printed, we'll be laughing! Ah hahaha!

And Forlat alla Norman som laser detta (with various circles and dots my computer won't type)…? Deb-lil is all confused! Points off to the sky somewhere beyond Bagge's left ear. When he turns, she takes off running.

**Queen o' da Badgas (aka QoB) (aka Queen of the Badgers):** Your reviews were sidesplitting! I was laughing like a maniac, I'm pretty sure my family thought I was laughing-gassed. The thesaurus was a great invention, I agree. Only problem…it sounds like a type of dinosaur. And meese? Wow. Meese. What the Hell kind of a word is that? It sounds like 'geese', and that's a stupid word. But meese are kind of cute…if you can get past the horrendous smell. And I was in shock when I read about Moosey's suicide note! That's terrible. And get this; a similar event took place in my school!

So we were reading the play "Inherit the Wind" about the Scopes "monkey" trial. As a joke, my teacher put stuffed monkeys all over the room. I guess the next class didn't like them, so they took one of the monkeys—Jimmy—and hung him from the ceiling with a tape measure. Naturally, we were disgusted and angry. So a few friends and me taped Jimmy to the chalkboard and drew (in chalk) him holding a knife. There was a speech bubble saying, "Jimmy will get you. Jimmy will get you good. Jimmy will get you like you got me. Mwa haha!"

Let's see. I call Bella 'Bellabitch' because someone reviewed my story 'A Series of IhateUmbridge Propaganda' and put that in as Bella's name. I thought it was hilarious. And what else did you say….ah yes. Well, this isn't two chapters, but it's a long one! Hope you like it! (And I'll be getting back to your Tommy story when my computer decides to be nice and let me open it up.)

**Dead-Luthien:** What are you talking about? You are Miss World…er...2006. That's where the confusion comes in. Not 2005, but 2006. So I guess that makes Bella guilty. Ah well. Thanks for always reviewing my stories. I hope you like the ending!

**Marauder4ever:** Yes, Bella got caught, but the turn of events in this chapter made her…well, innocent. So does that make her guill-cent? I don't know. That's for reviewing, and I hope you like this bit. And I can't wait for the epilogue about Ronald McD. I'm gonna read that funny fic over again.

**Thanks again to all the people who've bothered to leave a review. Deb-lil really appreciates it. If you wouldn't mind leaving one more…? Ha, thanks. See ya!**

**Deb-lil**


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